The Great Imperial Examination of the House
by DarkPaladin000
Summary: The story on how Sunday got the Incomparable Gardens while Saturday was left feeling envious.


**A/N: So, we all know how Saturday always said that she 'deserved' to be head of the Incomparable Gardens, so that got me thinking, what made her think that? And just how was it that the Architect had chosen the Denizens to be her Trustees?**

The Denizen who would later be named Lord Sunday looked at the chart in front of him. It was a list of the Denizens, who after several rounds, were going to be chosen to rule the House.

You see, the Architect was trying to give this whole meritocracy thing a go with choosing who would be the people who would be her highest ranking officers, though of course Sunday was getting bonus points as 'affirmative action', as the Architect 'didn't want only Denizens for the Morrow Days' and 'needed some diversity'.

This was all a euphemism to hide the fact that She had given Sunday a big leg up in the contest, mainly because Sunday knew how to pull the right strings with people, and especially his mother and Saturday.

 **Flashback to Sunday's Childhood**

Saturday was leading a small, ten-year old boy who was really Sunday to visit a toy store in the Secondary Realms, called Toys 'R Us. Saturday snorted as she read the sign, she was clearly having a problem with the spelling of the title.

Inside, Sunday immediately ran off and began asking for pretty much everything in the store, with Saturday refusing and saying as all the stuff was coming from her paycheck, Sunday was going to have to be more selective.

She assumed that Sunday would follow her orders like how he pretended to be 'Mommy's Good Little Boy' around the Architect, but instead began crying and making a fuss.

Not that he was actually crying, no, it had been years since Sunday had actually cried, but, he had mastered the art of scrunching up his face and making some noise so he looked like he was crying around his mother.

Actually, Sunday's crying face really made him look like he had to go to the bathroom really bad, but since there were no toilets in the House and all, Denizens of the House assumed that he was crying.

Saturday still wasn't one to give in to his tantrum, even if his mother was the Architect herself.

It was then that Sunday began pointing to Saturday and said, "My mommie's a meanie!"

Saturday glanced around at the people looking at them and said, "That's not true. I'm just a visiting aunt."

"Of course it's true," Sunday said between make-believe sobs. "See? We look the same."

This was especially hilarious since Sunday and Saturday looked nothing alike, but the last thing that someone would say to a kid at the store was that he looked nothing like his mother.

"We do not look alike," Saturday said as pretty much the whole store was pointing at them and some were wondering who she was cosplaying.

"Okay," Sunday said in a low voice. "That's because she's really my step-mom."

Sunday then went into a long Cinderella tale describing how his real mother was gone now and Saturday had only 'married daddy for the money' and didn't really love him, and that 'his real mommie would never have treated him that way'. He was about to delve into a story about Saturday locking him in a dark room when she finally caved and bought everything in the store.

And it all came from her paycheck, and her paycheck for pretty much the next thousand years. After that, she would never ever try to impress the Architect by volunteering to give one of her sons a present. Sunday meanwhile was checking out a pink box that had something called Barbie written over it. Saturday took it and said, "Sunday, these are for little girls."

Sunday snatched the box back, determined to keep the thing even more now that Saturday had disapproved of it.

 **And Now Back to the Plot**

Sunday chuckled to himself. Good times, good times. But, he stopped when he looked at the scores. He had to see them three times before he believed them.

He was behind Saturday! Even though the Architect had placed several botany competitions so that Sunday would have an even bigger edge, Saturday had still managed to pull ahead of him. And there was only one obstacle left, and it was not one of Sunday's strengths: a written exam. Sunday began making the calculations, pen and paper things were Saturday's specialty and she was bound to score higher than him in this as well. According to Sunday's calculations, which he knew were right eight out of seven times, the only way for him was to make sure that Saturday got a zero.

But how? The Architect would postpone the exam or get suspicious if something happened to Saturday, and Sunday wasn't all too sure he could get rid of her quietly with no one seeing him.

It was then that the most ingenious (according to him) plan hit him. He ran out to find his old toy chest; there was something in there that would probably help.

* * *

And so, the day of the exam arrived, with the seven soon-to-be Morrow Days gathered in a room. Everyone was nervous, except for Saturday who had existed since pretty much the beginning of time and so had an encyclopedic knowledge of everything, and Sunday who was sure that his plan would work.

Sunday waited for the right moment, and when he noticed that Saturday was distracted and talking to Wednesday, he carefully took Saturday's pen away.

Naturally, Saturday noticed later and began looking all over for it. At that point, Sunday asked, in a voice that faked innocence, "What are you looking for?"

"My pen," Saturday snapped. "It seems that someone took it." She eyed Tuesday angrily, who was oblivious to the fact that someone was silently accusing him of theft.

"You can borrow one of mine," Sunday offered and held out a pen for her.

Now, normally Saturday would never have accepted such a gesture, but this was back in those times when the two didn't hate each other that much, so she grudgingly took it and muttered 'Thanks".

Sunday smiled inwardly. The pen, if you were wondering, was something that he and the Piper had designed several centuries ago as a prank, but hadn't gotten around to using it. Sunday had left a note on how it worked, and it went:

 _Here is the invisi-pen, a normal pen which will write normally, but after three days the ink will vanish and no one, not even the Architect, will be able to read it._

 _Also, mommy didn't get us the Barbie Super Deluxe Action Set Number 6.7. Make note to buy when older._

Sunday had bought the Barbie pack, and had just given the pen to Saturday.

Yes, Sunday was actually going to do something as evil as give a pen like that to someone on the day of an exam. You could almost see the devil horns emerging from his head and the infernal flames dancing behind his figure.

"Hey, why are there devil's horns growing out of Sunday's head and flames behind him?" Friday asked. This was the time back when humans were starting to really get into experimental drugs, and there were several varieties developed for Denizens in the House. It was probably not the best idea to come stoned to the most important exam of your life, but Friday had never had the best common sense. And so, she didn't think anything of what she saw.

The exam began, and as Sunday browsed through the question paper he noted that half to the questions were on botany, probably another attempt at rigging the test in his favor.

This didn't stop Saturday though, who went through all the questions like clockwork.

Monday had noticed that he had been lagging behind in the contest, and so he had been determined to not be the lowest-ranking Morrow Day and spent a whole month studying for the exam without a break. This was all useless though as he fell asleep during the test.

Thursday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were doing moderately well. The test was on pretty much everything in the Universe, and they were tackling the sections they knew well, like how Wednesday had gone straight to marine biology and Thursday to history since it was mostly about wars anyway.

Friday was doing surprisingly well for someone who was on Architect-knows-what, though some of her answers to the questions were weird, for example:

 **Q. Fill in the blank in this common expression:**

 **People who live in glass houses _ .**

Now, the obvious answer is "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones at others", but Friday decided to write "People who live in glass houses change their clothes in the basement".

In another questions, it was asking as Denizens wore human forms, what did they really look like? Friday really couldn't remember what Denizens looked like, so she wrote 'penguins'.

Yes, according to Friday Denizens true forms were giant penguins.

After a day and a half, the exam was over. Monday woke up at this point and tried filling in as many answers as he could, but it was too late for him.

* * *

One week later, the result was declared and all of them gathered around the Architect in anticipation.

"So," She said. "It appears that the one who has scored the most has been… Lady Friday!"

Everyone except Friday stared at the Architect as if She had just said that She was about to destroy the universe. Friday however, began doing a weird dance to celebrate called 'The Martian Hula-Hoop'.

"Unfortunately, it turns out that Friday was abusing performance-enhancing drugs and so I've decided to dock points," the Architect said. Everyone besides Friday sighed in relief, the thought of her ruling the House was too much, and this moment would be remembered as that time that Friday almost became controller of the House, which still gave Saturday nightmares occasionally on what would have happened if the Architect hadn't docked some of Friday's points.

"I didn't know they were performance-enhancing," Friday whined. "I just thought they were hallucinogenic."

"That's not much of an excuse," the Architect said. "So, due to that her place goes to Sunday since he got second highest and so will be the foremost Morrow Day, then Saturday." She then went on to give them their Keys and all.

Saturday seemed furious so Sunday decided to tip-toe out of there.

Several hours later, Saturday looked furious and visited Sunday. "I just saw my answer sheet," she said.

"And?" Sunday asked with a smile on his face. He had made a point to destroy the pen after the exam to get rid of all evidence, and there was no way the Architect was going to press real charges against the apple of her eye anyway.

Saturday knew this which mad her even angrier. She then went on to say some things which probably shouldn't be printed, and then when she had calmed down a little said, "You did not deserve this. _I_ should be the one in charge of the Incomparable Gardens, and _I_ should have your Key."

Sunday was surprised to know that his Key was actually a Key and was really small, and he would have lost it if it wasn't for the fact that he couldn't. He saw what Saturday's Key was, it was a quill pen.

Oh, the irony.

"At least you'll never need a pen again," Sunday said jokingly. At that point, Saturday lost her cool and leaped at Sunday, but he stopped her using his Key without even glancing at her.

Saturday then stormed off to write a petition to the Architect saying, "The Seventh Key is far too overpowered. Nerf, please."

Sunday on the other hand, rubbed his hands. He had finally gotten what he wanted.

Now, you might be wondering just why it was that Sunday wanted the Incomparable Gardens so badly. Was it to rule the House? Was it to gloat over other people?

No, the reason Sunday wanted the Key was far simpler. See, Sunday was currently only around nineteen thousand years old, and the legal drinking age in the House was twenty-one thousand.

Except of course, for the Incomparable Gardens, where there was no legal drinking age.

And so, Sunday got drunk, and consequently set half the Incomparable Gardens on fire. As punishment, his mother locked him up in a model of the Old One's prison she decided to install in the Incomparable Gardens, though she didn't let the puppets take his eyes or liver, and only let him go when he promised to never do it again.

Also, She raised the legal drinking age in the Incomparable Gardens, so all of Sunday's effort had been useless, except maybe for the small fact that he was now essentially the lord of the universe.

And that's pretty much why Saturday thought that she deserved Sunday's position and why the two hate each other so much.

 **A/N: And that's pretty much the end. Again, I don't own any of the other stuff I referenced, and that scene from Sunday's Childhood was based off of Dragonlord Stephi's 'Ways the Irritate Superior Saturday' and also on the legal drinking age in the House.**


End file.
